Today someone told me that they thought I was anointed. I am not gonna lie, I had to look it up. I mean, I had heard it used before and I thought I understood it when we were talking about anointing shepherd’s sons and firstborn children, but I guess when the word was attached to me, I felt the need to understand a little bit better. Here’s what I came up with;
Anointed: expresses the sanctifying influences of the Holy Spirit upon Christians
And again, I wanted to make sure I was understanding the word “sanctify” correctly so while searching for that definition I found, “referring to the state or process of being set apart, purified, made holy.”
This new knowledge caused me to pause for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure how to take it. My instinct was to say that I didn’t believe it. That the person was using their Christian dictionary frivolously and irresponsibly. I am not now, nor have I ever been, anointed. God most definitely anoints the broken and unworthy. The prostitutes and the murders. The cheaters, liars, and scumbags. He can, and does, anoint the people who you would least expect, quite often. But that is different from me. I don’t expect to be set apart or made holy for any major Christian purpose. I haven’t made a grand enough change in my life to merit being someone who God intends to use outside of my small town. There is no way that this statement is true. It can’t be. The only thing is, I know this person to be a believer. I trust her with her obedience to the Lord and how she stays connected to God. I don’t think she would throw around a word like that if she didn’t really believe it. So what does that mean then?
You want to know something funny, I have spent the last month or so wondering if I am going about this in a way that pleases God. I am still, after everything, unsure about whether I feel God is leading me OR my own agenda is taking the steering wheel. Nevermind the fact that I prayed for my friend over her spiritual attack out loud (sort of, I typed it to her), and impromptu. Nevermind the fact that I am getting SO much out of writing these studies and I KNOW that others are too because they have told me. People that I don’t know and who live states away are leaving me amazing feedback and telling me personal stories about how they are using this material. I am still second guessing this description of me. How can this be the case? I am overwhelmed.
Did any of you know me back a bunch of years ago? Let’s say 8 or 9 years ago? Maybe before that? Did you ever think I would be “anointed”? (Did you ever think I’d be a Christian and live in Hicksville? ) I was a selfish person. I got what I wanted in any fashion I would. I drank, did drugs, wore clothing that would make my mom-sense go nuts now. I drove all around the states at all hours of the night and I was lazy and unmotivated. I just floated through college and now I am paying for that! (Student loans suck) I would guess that you would expect me to say that I hated those days and I regret their existence. That now I pretend that they never happened because I have grown so much further, but that isn’t the case. I am not sorry for them. As a matter of fact, there are very few days I can say that I regret. I am not sorry I lived irresponsibly or that I did a good amount of cocaine my last few years at school. I am not sorry that I had to learn some lessons the hard way. Maybe I should be, I don’t know. All I know is that I didn’t do life right in the beginning and because of that, I can see both sides of the coin. I can look at the prostitutes and drug dealers and see the people God made in his own image, hiding underneath the surface. I can look at the “seasoned Christians” and pick up on the fact that they are not even aware that they are missing a huge piece to the puzzle and therefore are missing out on what Jesus really has to offer. I can relate to the people who most can’t. I don’t want to be any other way.
That being said, I don’t deserve to be anointed in anything. I didn’t choose the path that led me to respectable mistakes and a responsible bank account. I haven’t been in church all my life and I don’t know if I can recite the books of the bible before you. I am stubborn and lazy at times. I have been known to use curse words without shame when I feel the situation calls for it. (I once knew someone who said, ‘There are no such thing as bad words, just bad timing). We listen to the “bad” music on the pop stations and have missed church for a gymnastics meet or two. I am no model Christian. Don’t look to me for all the answers. I don’t have them. I certainly don’t feel like I have been doing all of this the right way and I am positive there are a lot more GINORMOUS mistakes to come. Not the little ones, but the ones that would make Jesus turn over a table (like The Real Housewife of New Jersey. Yes add trashy TV to the list too….) No, this word “anointed” clear is an incorrect way to address me. I think….
My constant, daily prayer is about 2 things.
- Being sure that I am hearing what God has to say
- Being diligent in my responses both audibly and through my actions, in following God’s plan.
In essence I am praying for something to tell me that I am doing this right, not by our standards but by what God expects of me. I am asking for confirmation that I am being obedient and staying on the path that God needs me on. That I am understanding his directions clearly and I am executing them in the manner in which I am supposed to. I am looking for someone to tell me that I am anointed.
So now that I am face to face with that word, I have to say that maybe I am. Maybe God has anointed me to lead others, to tell others what’s on my mind and let Him work from there. Maybe He has anointed me as a different voice in a sea of people who all sound the same. Is it possible that God is setting me apart so that He can continue to make me holy? Is it possible for me to be part of the plan God has created, to spread the Word outside of my little world? I don’t know, and I am not sure I want to. Either way, I am BEYOND grateful for the Joy that I experience because of the work God is having me do. I am humbled by the confirmation that keeps popping up here and there. I am amazed at the way God has brought about the answer to my question in such a loud & clear way. I stand in awe of the amount of love and concern that God has for me. He not only answers my questions CLEARLY, but he finds a way to solidify the answers into little details around my daily life. Only a father who is rooting for your success will make sure you feel it even in the details.
So now will I say that I think I am anointed? I don’t know. It still feels weird to say it. I do think that we are all anointed at some point for some purpose, we just need to be open to it happening. (See Psalm 45:7) Don’t go pouring oil on your head or anything. It isn’t about that. I think it’s more about being “powered by the Holy Spirit.” You know that you are “anointed” in something when you can feel Christ smack in the middle of it all. When things are happening that don’t
require your input, only your willingness. I will whisper this to you though. I can kind of get on board with the idea that MAYBE God has anointed me for this project, right now. And if He can do that with me, imagine what He can do with you!
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