Kicking & Screaming

Have you ever seen the movie “Kicking & Screaming” with Will Ferrell? I can’t stop thinking about that movie. It was HILARIOUS. This post has nothing to do with the movie though…. Just wanted to clear that up because I can’t get it out of my head either.

These past few weeks have been incredibly frustrating. I am going to tell you this, but you can’t hold it against me. When I get to this point of agitation, you can find me in my bedroom closet, with the door shut, kicking and screaming until I exhaust myself. I feel like I am insanely busy, getting most of it done, but not actually completing whatever it is I feel like I need to finish on the inside of me. Sure I have done a million orders and lots of graphics. I have written 2 studies and even done some lettering. The packages that went out were beautiful and I had some very satisfied customers. I can’t quite pinpoint what it is that still feels undone. It’s frustrating. It’s stopping me from being able to pray. From being able to focus on a bible study. From verbalizing my thoughts and requests to God. I just want to scream! It amazes me how we can go through periods of peace within ourselves and then in the blink of an eye, feel empty and incomplete again. What do you do to make this go away and get back to the peace you want so badly? I don’t know if I have found the answer but I have certainly found something I am going to try.

I should have known from the alert words like “empty” and “incomplete,” that this wasn’t a season (of a few weeks) that God was putting me through. I should have also become aware when the words, “What can I do to make it change?” popped into my head.    There is nothing I can do but surrender to God. There is no change in my schedule, bible study to start, person to talk to, or book to read that will change what I am feeling. The emptiness is not coming from lack of something God is doing, it’s coming from the whole I allowed in my force field. Satan has yet again, slipped in and told me that I wasn’t doing enough, writing enough, saying enough, making enough. Just like always, he snuck in and slowly started to suffocate me. He made me feel like things weren’t settled, he caused strife in my relationships and conversations and he even brought things down around my friends. He is the reason I, along with my “co-worker” are starting to question what we are doing. He is the reason that there was tension in my home the last few weeks. He is the reason I can’t get things done and feel satisfied, even when others tell me they are over-joyed about my work. He is the reason I THINK I can’t find the words to speak to God right now. But I can’t lay it all on him can I? I am the one who allowed it.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my friend Denyse. Together we manage a Facebook page “Faith In Heart“. This page has been nothing but a blessing to me since I joined it. My friend created the page and after I joined she reached out and asked me to help. Much like all of the other events leading me into my current direction, I couldn’t tell you exactly why she asked me OR why I KNEW it was what I was supposed to be doing, but of course, I said yes. Through this page, I have not only found customers for my Etsy store, but I have found amazing women of all ages, that I respect immensely. There are very few people from my neck of the woods on this page. I love that I have made spiritual connections with women not only all over the country but also, “Across the pond,” as one from the UK says. There are over 350 people on this page and it has been inspiring to hear their stories of their walks with Christ as well as their failures and successes with the artwork in their bibles (because we all know I am no artist…). My co-manager, Denyse, is an amazing fit for me too. She has so many of the same beliefs as I do (and I use that lightly, I don’t mean core beliefs, although we do share those, I mean her day-to-day, moment to moment, reactions, and thoughts). She is also an amazing artist (an area where I lack). This is a good thing, though. We compliment each other since I like to do the writing. We sit back and look at the group as it grows and realize that there are places to make changes and people to rein in, but overall, it’s a truly amazing group of women. They participate, answer each other’s questions and encourage each other. More importantly, they pray. I know it. Not just because they say they will, but I can feel it. I can feel them praying specifically for me or the ministry work Denyse and I are doing. It’s clear to me, that these things are the way God is choosing to keep us full and moving along. I am grateful. It’s a different feeling when you aren’t trying to DO it all, when it is just happening. I love it.

Getting back to my problem, which as you can see, shouldn’t really be there, I am even more frustrated because I can’t find a reason for this empty/incomplete feeling. But again, these are warning words. The feeling shouldn’t be there. The feeling is coming from Satan trying to throw a wrench in my plans. Honestly, this frustrates me even more. That he’s so pesky and annoying and also that I am allowing it. I just can’t seem to shut it down though. What do you do?dont-give-up

Nothing. Stop doing something. Stop trying to figure it out. Stop trying to come up with the perfect solution and by all means, stop asking God to help you. He clearly isn’t helping you because He is not responsible for these things and He doesn’t want to go that way. He doesn’t need your plan. He has one. He doesn’t need you to find the exact words to pray to make things change. He needs you to trust Him. Let Him work. Let Him make the situation right away. Show BELIEF in His work and His timing. Not the kind you have to repeat over and over to yourself until you believe, but the kind you ACTUALLY believe. Stop trying to sit down and pray for hours on end. Stop trying to come up with the right combination of words to write down in prayer. Just stop, believe, and let Him work. I saw this work for me/Denyse yesterday right in front of my eyes on 2 separate different instances! I know that this will always work. Accept Gods timing and the place you are standing. Pray even when the words don’t come. Don’t feel bad that you aren’t writing anything down because He still knows what you need/desire. He still hears your heart.

rom 8 26Romans 8:26 supports my advice. It says, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” 

Are you getting that? As a believer, you already have God inside of you. If you can’t hear Him it’s because you have allowed other things to suffocate that part of God that lives in your heart. Don’t feel bad. It happens to me on a regular basis. Life just gets moving and we get carried away. Just bring yourself self back. 0be47adfd0c5dec6e2f7a7bd7582f1c1Read Romans 8:26 again and know, that God hears your heart. He knows the words that are deep within it that you can’t even seem to bring to the surface. He knows your true intentions. Don’t quit. You never know, the miracle may be about to happen, you just have to step back and give God some room to work…

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Meet My Partner-in-Crime

I invite you to check out my cherished friend Denyse Paterniti at her blog Faith In HeArt. Read her bio and scan her blog. This isn’t a promo for her, I am just sharing a blessing I have been 12821588_10204370076371856_3148835416800901777_nprivileged to experience.  She is truly an inspiration to me and her REAL-LIFE attitude motivates me to keep doing what I am doing. Sign up for her emails so you can keep updated on what she is doing too.  Stay tuned. You may hear more from here on here in the near future too 🙂 


2 Responses to Kicking & Screaming

  1. vanessa says:

    This is beautiful and my favorite verse Rom 8:26.

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